Remembering
by FaithElizaDawson
Summary: Everything went so wrong, to fast, but they managed to put it back together, as a team. They were slowly working things out, putting back all the pieces that had been broken. But the past doesnt like to stay in the past and Brian is about to face his.
1. Chapter 1

Everything had gone so bad so fast that he didn't even really know where it had started going wrong, it had started out so simple, get in with the guys, get into the minds of the criminal world, find out who was jacking the trucks and bring them in. What he hadn't counted on was the very people he was being warned about were actually human beings, the very people that took him into their homes and apart of their lives. Everything had been fine, until they had treated him like a family, it was then he always told himself that things went bad.

Remembering

"You still thinking about them dowg?" Brian lifted his head looking over at the one person who had his back since childhood. He ran a greasy hand down his shirt, leaning his body against the car that he was working on.

"They forgave you, you have to stop moping about this" Rome said seriously shaking his head in wonder. Ever since childhood Brian had a thing about over analysing things, going over and over them in his head, trying to figure out every single last detail. If something went wrong he thought it over wondering if he had done something different then it would have turned out better.

"You weren't there man" Brian replied honestly, it had taken awhile but they had finally sorted things out, he knew they would have been different if he had turned Dom in, but they had said they understood and that after what he did they couldn't turn their back on him because they were a family. But he had seen it in their eyes, everything wasn't ok, not like it was before, there was a distrust there that hadn't been there before, and he knew, just knew that they were never going to be that family he had sacrificed everything for.

"The one person you need to be worrying about forgiving you did, you need to concentrate on her, not the people you think don't trust you" Brian nodded his head, Rome made a good point, he had hoped that Mia would forgive him, if none of the others did he prayed she did. And it had been quicker then the others, she had seen him for the real him, past the disguise and the lies and had accepted him in the way the others could never do.

"Yea your right" Brian replied shrugging his shoulders, rolling them to release them from the tension he felt. He had been working none stop to get the car back to the working order it had once been, and he was beginning to feel the after affects of working al day and night.

"You going to pull another all nighter?" Tej questioned walking into his garage, his gaze instantly drifting over to Brian. Brian turned his attention over to the one person who had befriend him when he had first arrived at Miami.

"Cause you got a girl at home waiting on yo ass, and im sure you need to be doing some begging" Tej replied smirking as he looked at Brian. When team Toreato arrived in Miami things had been explained to both Rome and Tej, which of course got back to Jimmy and Suki.

"Ya im actually gonna call it a night" He sighed dropping his rag on top of the tool box he had been working with to tweak with the engine of the car in front of him. Tej and Rome shared a look with each other, they each sympathised with the man in front of him, he had taken it all pretty hard and was working to numb the pain.

Walking into the back room he grabbed the clean clothes that he kept there, pulling the blue shirt over his head, he threw his dirty white sleeve less shirt and threw it into his locker. He lifted his head at the sound of his phone vibrating in front of him. Pulling the phone from his locker he looked at the caller display and furrowed his brow. He didn't recognise the number, flipping it open he placed it to his ear.

"O'Conner" He voice was clipped, some things he couldn't leave behind form his days as a police officer.

"Brian?" The voice clogged with tears questioned.

"Yea" He replied with a furrowed brow, he recognized the voice he just couldn't place it, and it was bothering him, because he knew the person, he knew he did.

"I need your help" Brian instantly became alert, it was obvious now that he woman was crying, desperately trying to keep herself composed while she spoke to him, but was loosing it greatly, she sniffed, and Brian could feel his heart rate increasing.

"Who is this" He questioned leaving no room for argument, he wanted and needed to know who was on the other end of the phone needed to know so he could figure out which one of the many people he knew was begging for his help.

"Its October"

Mia looked out of the window to her apartment, her and Brian had been living with each other for just over a month and were slowly working out the kinks, the little ins and outs that they really didn't know about each other before. It had been hard at first, she had been the first one to except him back into their lives and the team hadn't been happy about it, but now things were looking up, but he was late coming home from work, in fact he was over an hour late and she was beginning to worry. The team were coming over for a family dinner and they were due any minuet, Brian was meant to be here with her so she could welcome them into their newly finished apartment.

The knock at the door draw her attention from the window, she had been so preoccupied thinking of Brian that she hadn't ever heard the team arrive, which was actually hard considering each of theirs competed with each other, they must break every noise pollution law there was.

Shaking her head she took in a breath, her gaze drifting over to the kitchen, everything was set, the table, and the food, she just had to dish it all out, at this rate things were going to be ruined. Straitening down her dress she headed for the door, opening it and giving the guys a warm genuine smile, despite her worry.

"Hey girl" Letty smiled, her arm wrapped tightly around the waist of Dom, who gave his sister a warm smile, pulling her into a one armed hug. He missed her being in the house with him and the team, they had always been a family, he never actually considered her moving out of the house, it had come as a shock but he was proud of the woman she was turning into.

"Where's the busta?" Vince questioned walking into the apartment his gaze turning to Mia. Vince still didn't trust Brian, to him he was always going to be a cop, but he did respect him, he had risked his life for him, and given up his career for criminals, he didn't approve but he was happy to see Mia happy.

Mia turned to Vince shrugging her shoulders, she didn't know what to tell them, he wasn't here, dinner was done everything was set. Sighing she walked into the kitchen, turning down the oven so that the meat wouldn't dry out.

"Guess he got held up at the garage, im going to phone him again" She said turning to the kitchen phone and dialling the number she knew of by heart. She turned away from the others, she didn't want them to see the worry in her eyes, as the call as it had done the four other times she had called, went straight to the answer phone.

"This is Brian leav" Mia shook her head slamming the phone back in the hook. This was the first time the team were at the apartment since the renovation and she had been looking forward to showing her family what they had done with it.

"He not answering" Jesse questioned looking over at Mia, he could see the worry in her eyes and gave her a lop sided smile, out of them al he knew just how deep her feelings ran for Brian and was the first one to give them his blessing.

"No its going straight to his voice mail, I don't get it he's normally home by now" She said seating herself at the kitchen table. Leon Vince and Dom shared looks with each other, each of them conveying their discomfort with each other.

"Mia you back there" The voice called accompanied seconds later by the slamming of the front door. Mia smiled relief washing over her features as she moved away from the table and headed back for the living room, he gaze instantly settling onto Brian.

"Where were you I was worried" She started giving him a brief kiss. Brian nodded his head wrapping one arm around her waist dropping a kiss to the top of her head. He lifted his gaze as the team walked into the living room, and he smiled in their direction.

"I was hoping on them being late" He said nodding his head in the direction of the team, who were stood in the doorway looking slightly uncomfortable. Mia raised her brow turning to Brian and for the first time noticed the sorrow attached in his face.

"Baby what is it" She questioned pushing him back slightly realizing that he didn't want the team to hear what ever it was he had to say.

"I got a call when I was at the garage" Mia nodded his head, squeezing his hand, staring into his eyes as he tried to find the words to say what he needed to say. He ran a hand over his head tilting it backwards as he bit his lip.

"It was a friend of mine from when I was with the department" Mia opened her mouth, nodding her head in understanding, now it made sense for why he didn't want the team here, or to hear what he had to say. They would have all jumped to the same conclusion, and she was finding it hard not to do the same thing.

"Brian what is it" She questioned because she could tell it was something by the way he wouldn't quiet meet her eye, and the way he kept biting his lower lip, and there was a sorrow in his eyes that she hadn't seen for a long time.

"She asked for help, she was er doing an undercover gig with a couple of other guys, things went bad" He collapsed into the sit behind him, glad that it was something soft and not the floor, but he just couldn't stand on his feet any longer, it was only now, reliving what he had been told did it really hit home.

Mia looked at him, the pain was so raw, his jaw was clenched tight, as he forced himself to keep check of his emotions, his eyes red rimmed from the tears the were springing to his eyes. She looked at him softly, turning her head ever so slightly as she looked over at her family. They were staring the scene with the same concern that she was, each of them was curious and worried at the same time, they had never seen Brian loose his cool like he was now.

"Bri baby look at me" Mia begged dropping down to her knees in front of him and taking his hand into her own, she brought it to her lips kissing it tenderly, her thumb smoothing circles into his hand, she knew it calmed him and she hoped that it did the same this time.

It took him a minuet maybe more before he could turn to face her, he couldn't quite comprehend himself what was happening, everything was rolling around in his head, mashing together and forming one gigantic mess. He had never felt such confusion pain and sorrow all at once. He looked down at the woman at his feet and felt his emotions just explode.

"There're dead" He snapped causing Mia to jump, he lowered his gaze taking in a breath, he ran a hand through his hair, it was the first time he had spoken those words out loud, and it left a bad taste in his mouth, he couldn't quiet believe it, like it was all a bad dream, one of those that you wished and wished to wake up but you never did.

"Who" Mia questioned leaning into Jesse who had wrapped his arm around her waist, Brian had jumped up from the chair and was pacing the room, he turned to face her, his face clenched in anger, and so much emotion that Mia could physically feel it herself.

He shook his head as he stared at her, but he wasn't seeing her, he was looking through her, he nodded his head slowly as he replayed the conversation in his head, it had been a shock hearing from her, he had left it all behind after all, he hadn't excepted it to hurt this bad. His breathing had increased and he turned away from Mia leaning his body against the wall as he took in some deep breaths.

"Trey and Gage" Brian replied his throat clogged with tears. Mia sucked in a breath shaking her head in pain, she bit her lower lip, pulling it in between her lips, as she leant her head against Jesse.

Brian had spoken about the two of them on only a few occasions, but each time the team had realized just what a close bond the two of them had. They had grown up on the tough streets of Barstow and after surving the tough times they had enrolled in the academy together, moving up the ranks together. They had been a family, even if not in blood but in everything else, when Brian had left for LA, they had stayed in touch, they had even risked their own careers by helping him after he had given up Dom.

"What happed" Dom questioned stepping a little further into the room, he knew what it was like to loose your family and he truly felt for him, he knew what he was going through and he prayed he was strong enough to make it through.

"There was an undercover operation, someone on the inside screwed them over, a cop turned on their own and now there're dead because of it"

Chapter two

"You going to be ok?" Dom questioned walking out to the back yard where his sister was stood watching the sun set. She twisted on the spot turning to face her brother, she smiled nodding her head as he wrapped an arm around her waist and brought her to his side.

"But its not me you should be asking about" Dom nodded his head giving her a squeeze, placing a kiss to the top of her head he sighed, and turned his focus onto the setting sun. He had always thought the setting Sun of LA was amazing but it was nothing compared to the setting sun of Miami, it just seemed so fresh and alive, he wasn't sure if that was because he had been given a second chance or because it really was just a better sun set.

"He's going to be ok, he's hurting now, but Bri's tough, he'll get through this" Mia nodded her head.

"Yea I know, just wish there was something I could do is all" Dom nodded his head in understanding, but truthly there was nothing she or any one else could do, he just had to deal with it in his own time and in his own way, he was going to have good days and bad, up's and down's and all any of them could do was be there for them.

"Brian's picking up October tomorrow" Mia turned to see Leon stood on the back porch looking slightly guilty at intruding on the tender moment between brother and sister. Mia nodded her thanks, it had been her idea to bring her down to Miami she was in the hospital after suffering some injuries and Mia knew that she was going to need somewhere to recover, and coming to stay with then was going to give her to people that was close with the two people she had lost like her.

"Thanks Leon" Mia spoke smiling up at him, Leon nodded his head and turned to head back into the house.

"Guys had it tough" Letty spoke though a mouthfull of food, Vince raised his brow, shaking his head in beumesnt, he could not believe that every one seemed to forget what Brian had done, or who he was. It had been his job to turn them all in, they would have all been doing hard time because of him.

"Have you lost your freakin mind, the guys a cop, he was lying to us from the start" Letty rolled her eyes, she knew how Vince felt about Brian, hell about cops in general, but even so, he had changed all that in one single moment, one moment that changed everything..

"He let Dom go, you forgetting that Dowg, and he isn't a cop any more, he gave that up for us"

Vince leant back in his chair shaking his head as he stared at Letty, he got that he gave up everything for them, he had saved his life, and he was thankful for that he truly was, but things had never been the same since he came into their lives, things had taken a drastic turn, and as much as every one kept reminding him that he saved them, he was never going to be able to think of him as anything but a cop, they weren't friend and that was never going to change, he just tolerated him.

"Nah once a cop always a cop" Vince said shaking his head as he pushed himself away from the table, he looked down at Letty, and shook his head, he wasn't actually sure what everyone seemed to see in Brian, they all seemed to forget what he was going to do to them.

Walking away from the table he headed into the living room, passing Brian as he did, he gave him a stern look, setting his jaw as he passed him. Brian nodded his head in his direction just as he always did when they saw each other.


	2. Chapter 2

Brian had known what pain was from an early age, his first memory of feeling pain was when his parents first started arguing, before finally settling for a divorce when he turned 8. There were the fights in the school play ground, the bigger fights on the streets, and Rome being put behind bars, turning his head and blaming him for it. But this was a pain in which he had never felt before, it was a deep throbbing pain, it literally cut him to the bone, he couldn't sleep, or think straight, every thought he had went straight back to his friends.

Mia was snuggled tightly in his side, her hair fanned out onto his chest, one hand laying limply over his stomach, it was at moments like this that he felt secure, that no matter what was happening in his life, he would look back at times like this and remember how it felt and just allow his self to float in the feeling. But lying there with her in his arms, he felt nothing, he just felt numb, he wanted to feel something, anger, hatred, pain, loss, anything that would let him know that he was still functioning on a normal human level, but there was nothing, and the more he pushed himself the less he felt.

"You ok Bri?" Mia questioned her eyes still closed, she moved her hand circling over his stomach, her hand resting on his hip bone. Brian moved, twisting his body so he was leaning into her slightly, hearing her sigh throwing over a naked leg, wrapping it around his own.

She could tell he was agitated, he normally slept like the dead, but now he was tossing and turning, his breathing was laboured and at times erratic, she could almost hear the clogs turning in his head, could feel the pain emitting from him.

"Im ok" He replied, wrapping his arms tightly around her body, he held her close to his body, his head resting on top of her own, he lowered his head, placing a kiss to the top of her head, he just wanted the pain to go away, hell he wanted to the feel the pain, he wanted to be able to feel so he could deal with it, this numbness was worse then any pain he had dealt with before.

"Bri talk to me" She begged finally opening her eyes so she could look up at him, it was hard to do because his face was obscured by her main of dark hair, but what little of his face she could see, she could tell he was struggling with his emotions, his eyes were scrunched tightly closed, and she could see loose tears trailing down his face.

"Just got back to sleep Mia" He whispered, his throat clogged with tears, he took in a deep breath, slowly letting it out. Mia sighed to herself, she had known Brian wouldn't have said to anything to her, she knew he didn't hold anything important from her, that he no longer lied to her about anything, but she knew that when it came to his feelings, he just didn't let her in, not like she wanted him to.

She shook her head, finally allowing her body to relax, she leant into him, giving him all her warmth, there was nothing else she could do, she was just going to have to be there for him, let him know that he wasn't alone in any of this.

Mia busied herself about the kitchen, the pan clattered to the floor nosily and she cursed, shaking her head as she bent to pick it up, her mind was so focused on Brian that she wasn't even aware of what she was doing, she was just on auto pilot.

"You ok?" Mia lifted her gaze to see that the entire team were stood in the kitchen looking at her with worried gazes, she smiled over at her brother, nodding her head as she placed the pain back onto the table. Sighing she ran a hand through her hair and turned to the sink, pulling out the plug and allowing the water to drain.

"So where's the busta?" Vince questioned walking into the kitchen and seating himself down at the kitchen table, his gaze lifting so he was looking at Mia, he titled his head smirking, trying to get her to smile, normally it worked, this time however she just gave him a tired look.

"He's headed to the hospital to pick up October" She replied looking over at Vince, giving him an annoyed look as she placed a plate of food in front of him, he smiled up at her, touching her hand softly, she sighed, nodding her head as she leant against the counter top.

"He's bringing her back here" Leon questioned, leaning against the wall, he was looking directly at Mia, his gaze showing worry and concern as he looked at her, she seemed tired, he wasn't surprised if she hadn't slept the night before.

"Yea, she's still pretty banged up, I think you know its going to help them both deal" Leon smiled nodding his head, shaking his head ever so slightly, Mia had always been the same, she always put every one else before herself, making sure that other people were ok, and then, and only then would seen allow herself to deal with anything, It had been the same after the heists, she had helped every one else, before she allowed herself to grieve.

"You really think that's going to help" Jesse questioned walking into the kitchen and over to Mia, Mia looked over at him, nodding her head, she smiled touching his shoulder. He had always been so sweet and caring, and after the heists and the shooting his feelings for others had increased, he was so in touch with how every one felt.

"I hope so, because its all ive got" She replied shaking her head in anguish, she didn't know how to help him, and that thought alone was killing her. With the team after the heists, it had been easy, sure they had been fractured, but there was still that deep connection that they all shared and the understanding that everything would be ok sooner or later. But this it was just different, Mia didn't know how to help him, didn't know how to help him rebuild the whole that was now filling his heart.

She knew so little about the relationship that he had shared with Tate, and Gage, he hardly spoke about them, but from the things she had learned she was pretty sure that the relationship they shared was similar to the one that the team shared.

Mia looked round at her family, taking in their faces, they were all sat around the table laughing, talking and being the way they always had been, the way things had once been before the heists had gone wrong. They were a family again and Mia knew if she lost any one of them, she didn't think there would be anything any one could do to make her feel better either, and the thought that she couldn't help Brian broke her heart, she didn't think she could deal with the pain of seeing the look in his eyes any longer.

Brian walked down the corridor, his gaze taking in the whiteness of the walls, the sterile smell in the air. The nurse at the desk said October was in the end room and he was slowly nearing it, his heart was in his throat, beating erratically the closer he got. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go into that room to see that look on her face, see the pain that he saw every time he looked in the mirror.

He let out a slow shaky breath as he brought his hand up to knock on the door, he heard the soft come in and pushed the door open.

She was seated in the middle of the bed, her knees drawn to her chest, arms wrapped tightly around them. Her blonde hair was pulled loosely in a bun, hair framing her face. She didn't move at the sound of the door opening but he saw the flicker in her eyes.

He bit his lips her gaze taking in the cut above her eye, the bruising around it, her wrist was bandaged, legs scrapped.

"Hey" His voice was soft as he made his presence known, within two swift strides he was at her side, his arms wrapping around her tightly, pulling her towards him, her head resting against his chest, hands resting on the back of her head.

"Bri" Her voice broke as she chocked back a sob, her hand tangling in his chest, he could feel her nails dig into his chest, pulling at his shirt. The shaking of her shoulders let him know she was crying he could feel the tears leaking gradually on to his shirt.

"Shhh……I got you its ok" He felt her shake her head, pulling away ever so slightly, her tear stained cheek looking at him, blue eyes sparkling with tears.

"There gone" She chocked, Brian nodded his head softly touching her cheek, she rested her head into it, letting out a slow breath. He nodded his head, keeping down his own emotions, he didn't want to break, not in front of her, not yet. He had always been the strong one, and he was going to be again.

"I know"


End file.
